Relational Conflict

Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you - for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others. Ecclesiasties 7:21

I have concluded that people are not good at dealing with conflict. I believe part of the problem is that we are not good listeners. We read more into what other people are saying than they are actually saying. We hear what we want to hear and fail to understand what it is they are really trying to tell us. We see their words as an attack on our person or character when that is not at all their intention.

I was once told by someone that listening was what they do while waiting for their turn to talk.

Over the past few weeks, we have had a family conflict. I would say that it results from not listening. It seems like everyone wants to play the victim.

"I want that person to understand how they hurt me!"

"You need to say you are sorry!"

"What you are doing is immature!"

"What you are doing is selfish!"

We get so focused on what the other person did to us. We get so focused on vindicating ourselves and justifying our actions that we fail to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person. We so easily recognize their offense against us, but fail to recognize our offense against them.

I pray I will not hear the offense in the words of others but their cry to be understood and listened to. I can take whatever anyone else will shovel out, because I know that Jesus loves me, has died for me, and forgiven all my sins. It allows me to extend grace to others, because I know immense grace has been given to me.